Thought Provokers: 5/4/2022

Screaming loudly inside your head is a good way to check for nearby psychics by seeing if anyone flinches.

The coldest temperature possible in the universe is -459.67 F. The hottest is theorized as 2,556,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 F. We live within a very small sliver at the very bottom of the spectrum. That’s probably why your wife’s feet are always cold.

Laziness has prevented more crime than any law or law enforcement ever will.

May is rough because it’s the month you realize it’s not seasonal depression.

Nothing says you’re rich quite like having a couch that doesn’t touch any of the room’s walls.

Struggling to feel awake in the morning is much more often a product of not looking forward to what you have to do in the morning than just being tired.

We’ve never actually heard the Monster Mash, just a song about the Monster Mash.

It’s weird that so many blue raspberry flavored things exist when blue raspberries don’t.

We’re biased against death because all we hear is propaganda from the living.

Ketchup on fried potatoes is normal but Ketchup on mashed potatoes is weird.

People drink Boba tea to satisfy their ancient and innate urge to slurp up tadpoles through a reed.

If magic were real, it wouldn’t be magic.

Dads don’t care about their yard looking nice. They just want to be left alone for a couple of hours each week.

You can skate a skateboard and surf a surfboard but you can’t snow a snowboard.

The reason we like to build forts as a kid is because building shelter is coded into our DNA.

All National Anthems are Country music.

We’re lucky that cutting hair doesn’t hurt.

The less often you need to leave your house, the more homeless you’ll start to look.

The fact that humans don’t know when they will die allows us easily rationalize procrastination and laziness.

The first half of your life is people telling you not to do drugs. The second half of your life is people telling you about drugs you need to take.

If our bones were a little bendier, we’d probably be able to survive a lot more damage.

A high-paying job that you hate is a curse.

No one wants completely burnt toast but every toaster will gladly make it for you.

The older you get, the more you wonder where kids get all their energy from.

Most passwords reset security questions are pretty useless when your mom wants access to your accounts.

It’s actually funny that out of 7 billion people, almost no one has a favorite number that’s negative.

Lego city has a really high crime rate.

It’s 2022 and bike seats are still uncomfortable.