Challenge Your Happiness in 2023 - Part 5 The Importance of Work Friends

I met one of my closest friends at a magazine I worked for years ago. At the time, she was a stranger who sat across from me in the world's most stupendously boring meeting. I felt her looking at me, and then she rolled her eyes. I smirked. A 30-year friendship was born.

Workplace relationships are often overlooked, said Dr. Bob Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and an author of the new book "The Good Life," but they are vital.

A 2022 report from Gallup showed that people who have a best friend at work are more engaged than those who do not. They were also more likely to innovate and share ideas, get more work done in less time and report having more fun.

Friendships with colleagues are also "aspects of our work lives that we have some control over," Dr. Waldinger said. "They have the potential to improve our daily experience immediately, no matter what we do for a living."

Happiness Challenge Part 5: Get closer to a colleague

This is your exercise today: Reach out to someone at work - or, if you're a student, at school - whom you would like to know better. If you're retired or a parent who does not work outside the home, you can still participate: Consider your "workplace" anywhere you might go regularly, whether it's a class, an organization where you volunteer or even a coffee shop in your neighborhood.

Here are four ways to forge new workplace connections:

For someone you don't know: One of the best ways to foster a workplace friendship is to follow up about something that a person mentioned in a meeting or a group setting, said Shasta Nelson, a friendship expert and the author of "The Business of Friendship." "Make a note to yourself about what they mentioned," she said, "so that a week later, you can say, 'How did that 5K race go that you said you were going to do?' Or, 'I hope your daughter isn't feeling sick anymore.'" When you follow up, Ms. Nelson said, people "are so surprised and pleased."

For a colleague you'd like to know better: Invite them to do something casual that only takes a few minutes, along the lines of: "I need to clear my head - do you want to take a quick walk around the block with me?"

Or give them a specific, thoughtful compliment, suggested Gena Cox, an organizational psychologist and executive coach based in Clearwater, Fla. "Recently, someone sent me a note out of the blue and told me why they admired me," she said. "I was shocked. And I will always feel closer to that colleague as a result of them doing that little thing for me."

If someone offers you any sort of help at work, whether it's to fix a computer issue or show you where the best snack machines are, resist the urge "to automatically refuse because you don't want to inconvenience the person," Ms. Nelson said. "Instead, say yes. And then be generous back, and ask if there's something you can do to make their job easier or more fun."

If you work remotely: Show up early on a call and make conversation before everyone gets down to business. Give a co-worker a shout-out for their contribution, Dr. Waldinger said, or ask them about an interesting object in their background, or about their pet dozing behind them.

You can also message them and request a quick, friendly chat, Ms. Nelson said. "You can say, 'I'd love to hear your story about how you came to work here, would you be willing to talk in our own room for ten minutes?'"

If you're a manager: Before a meeting starts, try a few icebreakers: "What was your first job?" or "What was the worst advice you've ever received?" These sorts of exercises "create conditions where friendships naturally blossom," said Ron Friedman, a social psychologist and the author of "The Best Place To Work." "Far too many employers leave close connections to chance. That's a mistake. When we look at the data on why people stay with an employer year after year, often the best predictor is not the size of their paycheck or how well they get along with their manager - it's how connected they feel to the people on their team."