CONNECTING POINT: The Yield Factor - Obedience

Paul, in writing to the Ephesian Christians, took every risk in making a personal appeal. His goal was to provide balanced teaching for relationships, including marriage, family, and work. The overall premise in the New Testament, as first taught by Jesus, is a posture of submitting to or yielding to others, seeking the good of another. By every standard, Paul challenged society's norms across every generation.

Obedience is a keyword in Ephesians 6:1-4, as it pertains to the family. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

One of the most common questions asked of me as a pastor includes “Does God require me to obey my parents who have physically, sexually, or emotionally abused me?” Like many of you, I am alarmed by the number of abuses in our broken world. I have sat with young people (and adults) who have endured incredibly damaging experiences from a family

member. In chapter 5, Paul began with a theme that continues to be the basis for obedience through submission: voluntarily yielding out of respect, love, or compassion, rather than forced obedience.

Note the following principles. One: Manipulation or victimizing a person is unbiblical and wrong. Let me be clear, abuse of any kind is never acceptable. Paul was addressing healthy family

relationships. This text was not written for an abuser to hurt another person. In fact, Paul gave a specific warning directed at Fathers, “…do not exasperate your children.” (vs. 4). Greek parorgizete means to avoid unfair or cruel behavior, or blatant favoritism. Instead, fathers are challenged to take an active role in raising their children by setting an example and demonstrating discipline and self-control.

Two: Obeying parents whose aim is for the good comes with a great reward. The promise that Paul is referring to has a general application (vs. 2-3); after all, Christians today have no ties to living in Israel. Paul explains that when children show proper respect for honorable authority (parents), rather than outright rebellion, it has a great blessing down the road in manifest ways.

Because abuse is common, here are some helpful steps to take for those who have suffered such trauma (adapted in part from Leona Westra- How Abusive Parents Use “Honor Your Parents” Against You).

A.) Honor parents by living your full potential in God. Follow Godly principles in your personal life, marriage, and relationship with your children that demonstrate genuine love and care. Be a better role model and raise your children in a safe, healthy environment.

B.) Pray for your parents out of compassion. It is possible that they, too, experienced abuse of some sort and have fallen into dysfunction. Pray that God can heal their hearts and correct their wrongs.

C.) Establish safeguards and boundaries with abusive parents. In the case of an abusive parent who does not respect boundaries, stand firm with no contact or limited contact. In all, these are some thoughts about improving relationships.