COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Antbear Spaghetti

You're wondering what an Antbear is? It's an aardvark, an African animal that eats ants.

I recently had Biniam an African buddy of mine visit. He was very shocked that we had a car, because he was told that everyone in Montana had a horse and no electricity. He was right that we still had an outhouse and no shower. Having no shower make him feel at home, because in Africa all they have is a river to-do most of everything. He was concerned that we did not need a safety person when doing whatever in the river, couldn't believe there was no animal in Montana`s waters that eats toes!

Biniam was able to bring us dried Aardvark as a gift.

He explained that Antbears are very hard to catch. You must make about 59 toothpicks and spear an ant on each one. Then you put all of the toothpicks around an ant hill and wait for the antbear to snort a toothpick up his nose and choke to death. Please remember to replace the ants every 3 days because ants are like sushi and go bad after that.

Then after the antbear has breathed its last, it's time to dry it. You cut off the head and use the rest of the animal for lion bait (they are lyin' in wait for this treat). Biniam dries the head by covering it in mud and leaving it in the sun until it looks like the belt your old man used to change your attitude as a child.

It normally takes a couple of weeks in Africa, but may be 5 years in Montana, except when the Jefferson Valley wind is blowing. Especially in the winter, when the freeze-drying effect can do it in a couple of hours.

INGREDIENTS:

1 antbear head

3 cups Heidrick 28 ½ ketchup

Pinch of salt

Dry ants (red ants are good to spice up the meal)

¼ cup Adobo seasoning

1 ½ cups grape jam, or 3 glasses of Mogen David wine

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cut the nose of the antbear into strips like spaghetti. Then cook in boiling water for 4 minutes (or hours depending on how old the animal was) until supple. (I know, all that effort to dry it, then this?) (it's a chef thing.)

2. Then mix Adobo, salt, and ketchup into sauce pan. Cook for 30 minutes on medium.

3. In a small bowl mix the dry ants and jam.

4. Put the nose strips into a bowl like spaghetti and garnish with the ketchup mixture.

5. Drizzle the jam/wine mix on top of served plates to taste.