The Whitehall Ledger - Serving Southern Jefferson County in the Great State of Montana

Articles written by Cousin Cleavon

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COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Blue Booby and Waffles

Due to the fact that chicken prices are increasing, we needed to find an alternative meat. A wonderful reader emailed me about this problem. Dizzy Izzy lives off the coast of the Pacific Ocean. She re...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Rack of Chupacabra

Back in 2015, our sleepy town of Whitehall was plagued by a Chupacabra. Not all of Whitehall was affected, but the goat farmers were scared. A little back story, Chupacabras are like wolves. They are...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Badger Liver

I was inspired to write this article about an animal that reminds me so much of my wife. You know, very cute and cuddly, but when you try to pet it your head might get ripped off. One of the most...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Yeti Mints

Yetis are close cousins of sasquatch. Yetis live in the Himalayas and other cold places, including Alaska, but just like humans, they like to visit their families at Christmas. So, when winter hits in Montana, Alaska yetis walk down to see their...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: The Truth About What Grandma Cooks

Due to the genetics in my family, I am autistic and very OCD, which makes certain things obsessively important to me. Therefore, in the interest of truth and honesty, I feel it is my duty to expose all the supposedly innocent grandmas who serve...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Holiday Berkeley Pit Geese

It is now the season to start thinking about what to have for that Thanksgiving dinner table. I found that you don't always have to have turkey. We cook geese every other year. The drawback to having a goose for dinner is having to pluck all the...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Caramel Cockroaches

During the month of October, I find myself eating more candy and sugar, and less meat and protein. So, I looked up different ways to get more protein. I looked everywhere on the internet and couldn't...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Werewolf Drumsticks

Werewolves run rampant during the month of October, but you need to double-check it is not a kid dressed up. The way you tell the difference is the size and smell. Werewolves smell like grandma's...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Dinner or No Dinner

This week we are hunting for the most elusive bird in all the world. The blue footed red tit snipe. I have tried for years and years to catch a snipe, hearing many old wives say their meat is as...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Mice Meat Pie

It is the time of the year in Montana that if you don't have a well-made home you start to see mice and rats in the house. I know this does not happen to everyone, but my house is built like a sieve,...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Smoked Blobfish

My cousin Jim-Bob lives off the coast of Tasmania and he goes fishing a lot. One night he was checking his crab pots and found a blobfish. The best way to describe the way this fish look is your wife...

 

COUSING CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Buzzing Sugar Pops

This is the best way to get rid of cicadas, you know, those bugs that sound like your wife. They never shut up. However, unlike her, they only come out every 13-17 years! Cicadas are very difficult...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Antbear Spaghetti

You're wondering what an Antbear is? It's an aardvark, an African animal that eats ants. I recently had Biniam an African buddy of mine visit. He was very shocked that we had a car, because he was...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Cream of Frog Chowder

I was finally able to go on a vacation a while back. My cousin and I headed down to Florida, the state where you look like you have chicken pox all the time, due to the mosquitoes. We went to one of...

 

Cousin Cleavon's Redneck Cooking: Him a Layin' Rabbit

I can hear the questions right now, "what is Himalayan Rabbit?" Well, it`s not a rabbit imported from the high mountains of Tibet, or even one covered in the $80-per-gram salt my wife said would impro...

 

Cousin Cleavon's Redneck Cooking: Awesome Possum Tossum

Last week a relative of mine was visiting from Australia. She is my grandfather's third cousin's adopted sister's friend's next-door mate, in Montana hunting jackalopes and snipe. She had pretty good...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Mythical Pork Rinds

Here in Montana, you hear a lot about the mythical creature called the Man-Bear-Pig. I was sitting around the fire last weekend with my family and Uncle Jim-Bob told a hero story of how he saved...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Venomous Nope Rope Bake

Rattlesnake is one of the easiest meats to acquire. You can normally find them on the road during the summer. Rattlesnakes love warm places, because they are cold-blooded, just like my ex-wife. There...

 

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Skunk Foie Gras

Skunks are a dime a dozen in Montana. No one wanted to catch them or get near them. That is why you will be able to get a lot of skunk livers! The big question is how to catch the skunk without...

 

RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Cousin Cleavon's Bigfoot Toe Jam

I can feel you questioning two phrases "Toe Jam" and "Bigfoot" but hear me out. Bigfoot is number 5236 on the endangered species list and still can be found in parts of Montana. My great-grandma,...

 

RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Cousin Cleavon's Poor Man's Potato Chips

Now you are asking yourself, what is a poor man`s potato chip? Well, it's crow's feet that are fried like a potato chip. It does sounds nuts, but it's my wife`s favorite snack during her time of the...

 

RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Cousin Cleavon's Bobcat Jerky

In my opinion, bobcat is one of the hardest animals to get but satisfies the most indiscriminate tastes. You can either use hounds to track the cat down or use a trap to get him by his foot. When...

 

RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Cousin Cleavon's Dynamite Trout Fillet

Before even getting the trout, you need to get your explosive license. It is hard to do, just like getting the cops off your back for the moonshine you have been making, but you need it to buy...

 

RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Cousin Cleavon's Raccoon Nuggets

Cousin Cleavon, from right here in lovely Whitehall, has put together Cousin Cleavon's Redneck Cooking and is looking to share the wealth of roadkill recipes with everyone! INGREDIENTS: Makes 3 good g...

 

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