Serving Southern Jefferson County in the Great State of Montana

COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Where Do Jellybeans Come From?

Everyone believes jellybeans come from the Easter bunny, and it is true. But did you know you can make your own bootleg jellybeans with an army of albino rabbits?

The Easter bunny is like a bee. The bunny eats flowers and then regurgitates balls of pure sugar AKA jellybeans. The Easter bunny, when traveling, will eat all the flowers it can find. The natural sugar in the flowers helps them make their journey across the world. This is also why we do not see many flowers in March and the first part of April.

Because the Easter bunny only comes around once a year, big candy companies have found a way to make jellybeans all year round. At first, they kept scratching their heads over how to make them, but then they trapped a bunny one year (as there are multiple Easter bunnies in different hemispheres.) They watched and learned how the bunny made wonderful candy-like jellybeans and chocolate-covered marshmallows (we won't talk about that.) After gathering all the info, they went and tried to make the candy but failed every time. At first, they thought they gave the rabbits the wrong flowers, then thought it was the wrong temperature in their enclosure. But they were all wrong. The Easter bunny is an albino rabbit; come to find out only albino rabbits make candy. It does not matter what flowers you feed the rabbits or where they are located. It only matters if the bunnies are albino. Only one out of 600 rabbits out in the wild is an albino. The big candy companies have learned how to breed just albino rabbits and that is why you will never see them for sale.

One thing everyone who has eaten an original Easter bunny jellybean can agree on: the big candy companies' jellybeans just don't compare.

 

Reader Comments(0)