COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Fairy Tea

This last week I noticed a lot of small sparkly creatures flying in the air at night. I tried to capture one but had no luck. I called one of the locals who hunt bugs and he said to turn on a big LED light at night and the creatures would come towards the light. So that night I put a light on and waited an hour. I when back outside and all these sparkly creatures were sitting around the light in a circle. As I got closers it seemed like they were talking to each other and that freaked me out. So I ran up and started to stomp on them. Then I realized they were fairies and I remembered reading something in the paper last week about a fairy get-together. So I stopped stomping on them.

After I stopped, all the fairies started to attack me. They would fly in my eyes and bite me. I ran to the house in a panic. As I closed the door you could hear all these fairies hit the door like little knocks. About 100 to 150 fairies hit the door. I turned on the inside light and looked over my body and noticed it looked like mosquitoes had bitten me. So I calmed down and watched tv the rest of the night.

When I woke up the next morning and went outside, I noticed there were dried-up rosebuds at the door and where I stomped on the fairies. I came to the conclusion that when fairies die they turn into dried-up rosebuds. I felt like I have a crime scene in my yard, so I picked up all the rosebuds and put them in a bag, and showed my wife. She did not believe they were dead fairies. She thought I was giving her a late anniversary gift. (Fellows don’t forget your anniversary because your wife can hurt you more than a fairy bite.) As I kept telling her about the fairies, she kept saying “okay, okay” and started the kettle to make this delicious concoction.

INGREDIENTS

15 dead fairies

Cup of hot water

DIRECTIONS

Make a cup of hot water. Then add 15 dead fairies to the water and wait until the water turns red. Drain the fairies from the water and enjoy.

Bon appetit!! PS...these recipes are not verified, but if you give them a try, please let us know how they go!